Perfectly CON-Tent: HAL-CON 2013

 
Greetings, Fellow CON-Testants!

I had a couple of minor hiccups at HAL-CON last year, mainly centered around entitled dweebs armed with Warp Passes and well-meaning but militant volunteers trying to annex our free-play game tables. Neither of these niggling issues were enough to deter me from procuring a three-day weekend pass for this year.

In fact, these tiny glitches were nothing compared to the irritants which plagued some attendees at this year's event. If ticket-holders made the mistake of pressing "SNOOZE" on their alarm clock Saturday morning or if you kept tabs on HAL-CON 2013 in the media as a spectator, you probably already know what I'm on about. Personally, I can only comment on my own individual experience.

And I have to say, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this was my favoritest HAL-CON evar!

"Stay awhile and listen and I shall regale thee of my tale of high adventure..."

FRIDAY

Andrew picked me up at my place just smidge after noon. I had to get him to back-track up into Bayers Lake so that I could pick up a few new digital video tapes.

To future-quote Jewel Staite: "Tapes. Remember tapes, guys?"

Yep, I bought my video camera back in 2008, which might as well be the Mesozoic Era in technology terms. At that time, on-board digital storage and memory cards were still in their infancy. Ergo, I had to snag some extra tapes for my camcorder before heading down to the World Trade and Convention Center. Given the scarcity of the damned things this is becoming an increasingly-difficult prospect.

While I was waiting for my first mandatory event of the day, I spent some time roving around the convention floor. With my happily-fed video camera cranking away, I captured the panoply of sights, sounds and yes, smells of HAL-CON whilst casing the expansive vendor section for some choice acquisitions. As you can well imagine, the time just flew by and the next thing I knew it was time to meet up with a childhood hero.

Now, I've already ranted at length about how impactful Star Wars was to me as a kid, but let's face it, the adventures of Luke, Han and Leia were few and far between. The wait between 1977 and 1980 was a long and protracted one but mitigated considerably by the appearance of Battlestar Galactica in theaters here in Canada.

The brainchild of producer Glen Larson, Battlestar Galactica posited that the race of man first originated "amongst the stars". In some distant past, the human race has been engaged in a protracted struggle against the Cylons, a population of murderous automatons who've been trying to wipe out all organic life in the galaxy. When the Cylons extend an unexpected offer of peace, the twelve human colonies jump at the offer, anxious to bring an end to a thousand years of constant warfare.

The most vocal olive-branch skeptic is Adama (Lorne Greene), a decorated war-hero and the Commnader of the titular Battlestar. True to Adama's predictions, the Cylons shatter the temporary truce and during the resulting Pearl Harbor job the human race is all but extirpated. All that remains is a "rag-tag, fugitive fleet" led by the Galactica. Their goal: to find a planetary promised land known only as "Earth".

Lured in by the spectacular trailers on television I was one of the few kids lucky enough to see Battlestar Galactica in theaters in 1978 at the tender age of eight. I was completely blown away by the Viper ships, the Raiders, the Galactica, the Basestars, the insect-like Ovions and the creepy, mechanical Cylons. As amazing as all of this visual spectacle was, I was also engaged by the movie's human element.  

Richard Hatch's Captain Apollo was at the core of the film's emotional heart. Despite losing his brother, his mom and his wife to the Cylons, Apollo's resolve never wavered and his moral compass was always set to "Paragon". As an idealistic young kid, he was definitely the character I identified with the most.

Needless to say, it was pretty cool meeting Richard Hatch. In addition to getting his autograph, Richard subjected himself to a guerilla-style interview, the results of which can be peeped right hur.

Well-spoken, affable, and relentlessly enthusiastic about his past and future endeavors, Richard was a delight to talk to. His infectious positive aura virtually assured that I'd be attending his Acting Workshop later that evening. Leaving Andrew to engage in a four-player game of Firefly, I stole away to the "Clockwork Room" and grabbed a seat in anticipation of Richard's arrival.

Immediately I was thankful that many of my fellow conventioneers decided to show up and there was a respectable amount of butts in seats. There's nothing more awkward then going to one of these workshops only to find yourself in what amount to a midnight screening of After Earth. That's just sad.

Then, from out of nowhere, local Hali-famous actor Rhys Bevan-John, plunked down into the seat next to me. I absolutely love this guy. Earlier that day, in a move perfectly in step with the rest of the costumed masses, Rhys was strutting around the convention hall in his "Best Of" cape and crown.

I don't blame him for being proud. Just a few days earlier Rhys was named "Best Male Theater Actor" in The Coast's annual "Best of Halifax" survey. I saw him play the lead in Shakespeare By The Sea's performance of Hamlet that past summer and he (along with the rest of the cast) were uniformly awesome.

When Richard arrived it looked as if he was dressed for winter, bundled up in no less then four different shirts and/or jackets. Can't say that I was surprised; during our interview he'd scoffed at my casual reference to the weather as "mild". In fact, I think he characterized the temps that day in Halifax as "Arctic-like".

It wasn't long before Richard started shedding some of those heavy layers of fabric. Dude's a very dynamic orator and if you ever get a chance to see him speak in any capacity I highly suggest you do so. Over the course of the next hour-and-a-half Richard offered up some tremendous insights into the business of acting, auditions, self-motivation, encouraging the creative spark, avoiding career pitfalls and parlaying personal experiences into effective performances.

The workshop concluded with a gloriously loopy improv session featuring a pair of brave aspiring actresses, one playing a put-upon hospital supervisor and the other posing as a drug-addled janitor (!). Things got even weirder when Rhys was thrown into the mix as a stern-but-inexplicably-merciful manager. Just as the scene started to come together we had to stop.

Honestly, I could have stayed there for another two or three hours but the room was booked for "Adventures with Vampires and Publishing". *Pffffttt*, as if there isn't already enough of that crap around!

On the way out I congratulated Rhys on his terrific showing in Hamlet and asked about his recent starring role in The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. When Rhys gave me a quick demonstration of his transformation scene I promptly kicked myself for missing out on what was surely another bravura SBTS production. Go see more live theater, kids! It's a blast!

By the time I got back to the games room, Andrew had pulled out a win in Firefly and also played a few games of Mr. Jack Pocket with a friend from work named Fraser. The three of us then broke out the awesome co-operative game Hanabi and by the time that game was over it was definitely time to pack it in for the evening.

All told, it was a great first day. We'd gotten the lay of the land, Andrew had played a bunch of games, I'd met and then hung out with a childhood hero and the crowds were pretty sedate. Not too shabby.

But then there came:

SATURDAY 

I faced another early rise the next day but I really didn't care. I knew that it was going to be a crazy day and I wanted to get down there early. I pitched at the Starbucks on Barrington Street around 9 am and waited for Andrew and Mike to turn up like a pair or bad pennies. In a stroke of synchronicity, my friend Chad, his wife Jeanette and the rest of their enthusiastic clan stumbled in to get their caffeine fix. We discussed strategies for the day and then prepared to wade into the fray.

With Andrew and Mike delayed, I decided to hike up to the convention center in order to establish a beach-head in the games room. In retrospect, this was probably a good move since the place was already starting to fill up. One major reason for this was the fact that the vendor section was open to the public, which I think inspired a lot of people to buy day passes right there on the spot.

In fact, my own significant other, who is usually leery about attending crowded and sometimes, shall we say, aromatic events like this, even trolled through the merch section with me for awhile. She picked up a gorgeous, elaborate-looking, Steam-punky watch while I got a fabulous deal on two awesome board games.

That's when we ran into two more friends, Sabina and Mark. Although Sabina's HAL-CON attendance was never in doubt, Mark had declared days ago that he wasn't going because of the crowds. He changed his mind at the last second when Sabina managed to procure a free weekend pass through work. Although this awesome spate of good fortune proved to be irresistible to Mark, the shoulder-to-shoulder throngs of colorful humanity probably did nothing to cure his agoraphobia.

Seeing the crowds rise like the water line over the bow of the Titanic, Sabina, Mark and I decided to retreat to the gaming room on the third floor. We waited there until Mike and Andrew showed up and then promptly left them behind. I'd been so busy with writey-type stuff leading up to HAL-CON that I didn't even have a chance to look at the schedule. Having Sabina there was great because she knew exactly what, when and where things were transpiring.

As such, she urged us to get down to the Main Stage about an hour early to score a good vantage point for the Billy Dee Williams Q&A. This worked out great because I arrived at the perfect time to capture Richard Hatch's presentation which I wasn't even aware has going on at the time!

During the subsequent half hour and change, Richard shared his views on narrow-minded studio execs, the dearth of speculative fiction on television, and how current technology provides creative freedom. Oh, and he also gave the attentive crowd plenty of insight into both incarnations of Battlestar Galactica as well as his forthcoming web-series The Great War of Magellan.

  

After watching this it's not hard to see why Richard is one of the most sought-after acting coaches and public speakers on the convention / lecture circuit right now.

With the imminent arrival of Billy Dee Williams, the Main Hall became as jam-packed as a Hyundai crammed with drunken university pledges. In fact, it got so crowded that it prompted a funny exchange with a couple that was standing next to me. 

"Wow, can you imagine what would happen if the fire alarm went off right now?" they observed.

"Oh, God, it'd be total anarchy," I replied. "The average Dexterity score for most people in this room is probably only around five or six so just picture a thousand of Hans Moleman's kids trying to get out of here all at once."

The wait, and the encroaching tide of humanity, was quickly forgotten when the Coolest Dude in the Galaxy™ walked out on stage. Over the course of the next forty-five minutes, Billy Dee Williams charmed young and old, male and female alike, regaling us with stories about The Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi, Tim Burton's Batman and Robot Chicken. 

For pop culture nuts such as myself it was also great to hear him reflect on his celebrated artwork, his challenging appearance in Brian's Song and his debut on stage in The Firebrand of Florence at the tender age of seven. By the time he called a fan a "double-crossing, no-good swindler" at their request, we were all collectively wrapped around his finger:

    

The thing that resonated with me the most was when he likened himself to Holden Caulfield in J.D. Salinger's Catcher in the Rye, a character who naively floats through life, having random adventures and innocently getting into and out of trouble. You can see this yourself at the fifteen minute mark of the video.

"Even at my age at this stage in my life I'm pretty naive about a lot of things," he told the enthralled masses. "I was so protected as a kid growing up that I kind of found myself bumbling through life." 

Amen, brother.

When the Q&A was over, I lost Sabina and Mark in the resulting tsunami of bodies. While inching my way through the shoulder-to-shoulder crowds I first began to hear fleeting references to "over capacity", "fire marshal" and "clearing the building". About around that same time I bumped into Chad who told me that his kids had left the convention center to get lunch and couldn't get back in. Although it pained them to do so, Chad and Jeanette left to collect them knowing that they weren't going to get back in. Needless to say, a day pass refund would be in their future!

I finally managed to claw my way to the escalator and get back to the Games Room on Level Three. I briefly re-united with Andrew and even managed to get in a fleeting game of Mr. Jack Pocket before I had to take flight. 

I'm glad that I had the foresight to bring my own lunch with me. After our game was over I bypassed the concession stand on the same floor and then eked out a spot in the impromptu dining area where I wolfed down my home-made ham sammich, pausing occasionally to capture a few incredible costumes on video.

Oh, by the way, I despise the word "cosplay" with the fire of a million suns. Dressing up like an elf is goofy enough without giving it an infantile handle like "cosplay". Sounds like some sort of weird sexual fetish involving Cliff Huxtable and a Jello Pudding Pop. I actually had a great costume that I could have worn but if someone asked me what I was "cosplaying" as I probably would have beaten them to death with a plastic tricorder.

After scarfing down my lunch like a gluttonous anaconda, I scrambed down to the second floor, knowing that my window of opportunity to meet Billy Dee was drawing to a close. I jumped into the lineup and ended up having an extended yarn with the dude standing behind me who, in addition to being a Star Wars fan, was also a big horror nut. We both expressed our desire for a dedicated horror convention here in Halifax. 

"Yeah, wouldn't that be great? Especially if they got someone like Bruce Campbell as a guest? God, I'd freak right the f#@k out!" he confessed.

"Oh my God, that would be so friggin' awesome," I gushed. "I'd be a complete mess if I ever met Bruce."

Like a couple of 'tween girls talking about One Direction, we spent some time affirming our mutual love for The Chin. Then, when he told me that he'd met Texas Chainsaw Massacre star Gunnar Hansen at "Summer Fear" in Tatamagouche a few years back I was nearly overcome with jealousy.

"Dude, there's only one Leatherface, and that's Gunnar Hansen!" I maintained, having just re-watched his performance for a recent blog entry.

Also in the lineup was an uber-dedicated Mom who was looking to get her son's Lando Calrissian action figure signed.

"So your son couldn't be here? Is he studying for exams or something?" I asked.

"Oh, no," she replied. "He's a software developer for Valve in Washington. But when he heard that Billy Dee Williams was going to be here in Halifax he wanted me to meet him and get his action figure signed!"

And the "Mom of the Year" award goes to...

That's the great thing about coming to events like this. Even if you find yourself waiting in a barely-moving lineup, you'll find no shortage of awesome people to talk to, the lion's share of whom have built-in interests in common with you.

Meeting Billy Dee Williams was a real treat. I swear, if I could hop into a time machine and go back to around 1981 and tell L'il Dave that I'd be meeting one of my cinematic idols I'd probably plotz.

I do have one minor gripe about the way his autograph booth was set up, however. I've been to enough of these signings by now to know the drill off by heart:

1. You wait in a big-ass line-up. 
2. You eventually get to meet the person at the end of said lineup.
3. You get to exchange some brief pleasantries with the person at the end of the lineup or heap some barely-comprehensible gushing praise on them.
4. You hand over the crap your brought along so they can notarize it or get them to sign one of their free 8"x10" glossy photos laid out on the table in front of you.
5. You get the f#@k out of the way post-haste for the other hojillion people nervously tapping their feet behind you.

But Billy Dee's set up was kinda odd. As you slowly began to approach the goal line, there was a large table set off to the right which bore all the available signature swag. When I tried (and failed) to pick up my chosen 8"x10" my weary brain eventually told me that the damned thing was taped securely to the table. Noting my confusion one of my line-mates leaned over and said:

"I think they're all up at the signing booth," she said, indicating a large wooden box set off to the side which resembled a low-fi filing cabinet.           

So, naturally, when I got up to the table I started to flip through the box to find the photo I wanted to get signed. Suddenly Billy Dee's assistant turned towards me and offered the following admonishment:

"Okay, you don't touch that," he said sternly. "I can find it for you. Which one do you want?"

For a second there I almost expected him to produce a ruler and whack me on the knuckles. After making a concerted effort to wipe the glare off of my face I indicated which 8"x10" I wanted Billy Dee to sign. Even though I'd deliberately held off until the tail end of the signing in a vain effort to avoid the initial rush, it was still pretty damned busy. As a result I didn't a chance to talk to Billy Dee very much.

I started by giving him a gift. Knowing that he was still catching heat from Star Wars "fans" for Lando's "betrayal" of Han Solo, I'd made up some joke flash cards that he could just hand out to people instead of wasting his breath:

This quote is actually taken from an interview that Billy Dee did with Wired in which he explained, in his own words, what Lando was up against. Cripes, even at the time as a ten year old kid I completely understood why Lando did what he did. After all this is Darth freakin' Vader we're talkin' about here!

The flash cards seemed to amuse him and I even got a chuckle out of his assistant. While Billy Dee signed the 8"x10" we had a chance to talk shop about art. I told him that my dad is a visual artist and how awesome it was to come home from school every day to see how his paintings had progressed. We also talked about his own formative arts-based education, a stark contrast to my crappy High School which cherished math and science above everything else.

But alas, a signature line-up waits for no one so I quickly thanked him, bid him farewell and then stumbled away with my newly-acquired treasure.   

As I slowly beetled my way out of "The Cave of Wonder" (more like "The Cave of I Wonder How I Get The F#@k Outta Here?!?") I was lucky enough to bump into Sabina and Mark, who'd found another mutual pal Angela. After "Ooooo"-ing and "Awwww"-ing over our new acquisitions, Sabina jumped into the autograph line-up for J. August Richards. When she returned from that encounter she was positively beaming. By all accounts, he was one of the most approachable and genial guests of HAL-CON, something I came to realize myself later on that same evening.

"Much love?" What the hell were they talking about over there?!?!

I briefly returned to the Games Room where Andrew had gotten himself immersed in the Pathfinder Adventure Card Game and Mike was embroiled in a heated match of Battlestar Galactica. At an event as jam-packed as this year's HAL-CON there was certainly no rest for the nerdy. Up next was Jewel Staite's Q&A which was set to begin at 2:30 pm sharp. Again, to make sure that we got a decent seat, we went down about forty minutes prior to the big event.

And its a damned good thing we did. The halls were still completely choked with bodies and the air was rife with rumors about people being turned away in droves at the door. When Angela's boyfriend Matt left the premises to get his equipment for a demo with the Society for Creative Anachronism, his re-entry was in doubt for the longest time. It was really scary when scuttlebutt seemed to indicate that we'd all be evicted from the premises and the entire event might get shut down.

But there was no confirmation of this as I staked out some standing room in the Main Hall. Regardless of how many people were packed into that place, the audience became downright reverential as soon as Jewel Staite took to the stage. Winsome, smart, funny, candid and more then a tad cheeky, Jewel immediately captured the hearts of everyone within earshot.

She covered all the bases and then some, dishing about her work on Higher Ground, Firefly, The X-Files, The Killing, Stargate: Atlantis, The L.A. Complex and even talked about her preferred super-power, the rewarding world of food bloggery, the insane world of Nathan Fillion and the joys of cooking bacon in an oven.

It's a darned good thing that I'd left my bags with Sabina and Mark. Wisely, they'd ducked out just prior to the end of the Q&A, beating the resulting crush of humanity that followed. Since I was videotaping fairly close to the stage, extricating myself from the room proved to be a Herculean effort. 

Mercifully, I found Sabina and Mark right off the bat. They'd expertly located the proper place to queue up for Jewel's autograph and I quickly joined them at the back of the budding line-up. During the subsequent wait, we had plenty of time to recant the many highlights from Jewel's entertaining Q&A and concluded that she'd be an absolute blast to have a drink and shoot the shit with.

And let me tell ya, folks, if you think that Jewel exudes scads of charisma on screen as Kaylee in Firefly or as Jennifer Keller in Stargate: Atlantis, well that ain't nothin' compared to meeting her in person. Knowing that she maintained an excellent food-related blog and had already patronized a few local eateries I opted to steer clear of any typical questions and go the foodie route.

As she signed an 8"x10" for me I couldn't help but needle her a little bit on the subject of haute cuisine.
   
"So, Jewel, y'know...there are people in this world who think that food is nothing more then something you stuff in your face to make hunger go away."

Upon hearing this she stopped what she was doing, lowered her pen and then fixed me with a steely glance.

"Those people are idiots," she said, half-joking and half dead-serious. 

"Whoa, whoa!" I protested, holding my hands up to ward off her mock ire. "I totally agree with you! In fact, since you already mentioned The Bicycle Thief I have a few more suggestions for you!"

"Oooo! Wait! Hold up!" she said excitedly, reaching for a conveniently-located pad of paper. "Okay, shoot!"

"Alright, so right across from The Bicycle Thief in Bishop's Landing is Ristorante a Mano, another great place for Italian food."

"Ristorante a Mano. Okay, check, I got it."

"Now, I also know that you're a huge burger fan."

"Oh, yeah! Now we're talkin'...whattaya got?"

"You need to check out Ace Burger."

"Ooo! OooOooo! Where's that?"

"It's down on Agricola Street. Now, be warned, at face value the place can look a tad...divey."

"I don't mind," came her plaintiff and emphatic reply.

"It's in Gus's Pub. And let me tell you, it's to die for."

Jewel stopped scribbling for a moment.

"Can I walk there from here?" she asked. When I made the mistake of hesitating for a beat she promptly turned to her assistant asked the exact same question. 

After assuring her that a cab ride would be well worth it, I thanked her and told her to enjoy the rest of the Con. She replied in kind and I strode away with yet another unique story and one shiny autograph.

I quickly located Sabina, Mark, Angela and Matt and collectively we all tried to puzzle out our next move. 

Even though it was just shy of 5 pm we were all getting pretty pooped. I'd been on the go since 7 am so I almost packed it in when Sabina and Mark said that they were getting out of Dodge. But since Angela and Matt were sticking around, I decided to stay for the J. August Richard's Q&A at 6 pm. And, man, am I ever glad that I did.

As Richard Hatch mentioned during his talk, Cons can be pricey affairs where your wallet starts to hemorrhage money as soon as you pass over the threshold. You really need to pick and choose who you get autographs from and photos with and what to buy in the vendor section. It's a constant struggle.

I'm saying this as a prelude to the following statement: I gotta meet J. August Richards one of these days. During his stellar Q&A he answered a slew of audience questions about Angel, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Arrow, Gray's Anatomy and, hell, even Goodburger fer cryin' out loud. Somehow karaoke, Star Wars, board games and superhero stuff also crept into the mix. As you watch this video just take stock of how genuine, enthusiastic, warm and friendly this guy is.        

One of these days I hope to meet the guy, if only to tell him that he delivered my all-time favorite line in all five seasons of Angel. It came during the second-season closer "There's No Place Like Plrtz Glrb" when Wesley and Gunn were facing certain death at the executioner's block:

Gunn: I got a plan.
Wesley: Oh, thank God! What is it?
Gunn: We die horribly and painfully, you go to Hell and I spend eternity in the arms of Baby Jesus!

This took us up to 7 pm; way past my anticipated check-out time. Even Andrew and Mike had retreated to play games in relative peace back at Chad's place. Although periodically I'd been forced to battle against the tide of humanity, I left that night feeling perfectly content about how things had gone down. In fact, it wasn't until I got home and popped onto Facebook when I realized just how bad things had gone for some people that afternoon.

Regardless, I got myself prepped for Day Three, hoping that it would be a much more casual affair that was chock-a-block with board gamey-goodness. 

SUNDAY    

To paraphrase Emperor Palpatine: "everything transpired according to my desires" on Sunday. This time there was no mustering at Starbucks; I just made a bee-line for the first open gaming table I could find and pledged to sit there on my ass all day and play games. When Mike and Andrew joined me not long after I proceeded to fulfill the crap out of that humble goal.

As such, I played Jaipur, Forbidden Desert and something vaguely resembling Lost Legends. I also had a football-sized roast beef sandwich that I'm probably still digesting Sarlaac-style. I also took fleeting video of some awesome people in some very cool costumes.

And then I went home and I was sad.

EPIC EXPERIENCE  My video love letter to this year's HAL-CON.

EPIC GUEST Going back to my point about J. August Richards, you really have to pick and choose who you want to meet at these things. Given a second chance I would have gone out of my way to meet the incredibly classy and selfless Peter Davison. I started to pick up on the man's indelible qualities when I was waiting in the lineup to see Billy Dee Williams. Even then Peter was going well-above and beyond the call of duty with everyone he encountered.

As a neophyte Dr. Who fan, my experience with the character is woefully limited to the current modern iteration of the show which kicked off in 2005. Well, no more. I'm going rectify this personal deficit and seek out every single episode featuring the fifth Doctor, Peter Davison.

When he heard that scores of cold and frustrated fans were unable to get inside, Peter took it upon himself to go out, mingle with them and take a bunch of photos. With so much money flying around at these sort of events it's pretty easy to get jaded but with amazing guests like Peter in attendance, you really can't go wrong.

The Seward Clan were delighted to meet legendary Time Lord *slash* class act Peter Davison.

P.S. Who fans old and new owe it to themselves to watch Peter's fantastic short film The Five(ish) Doctors Reboot. It's rife with awesome cameos, self-effacing humor and plenty of great in-jokes.

NERD RAGE FAIL  Now, I know that a lot of folks had a very trying time of it this year, but I can only judge HAL-CON 2013 by my own experience and my own experience was nothing short of spectacular.

Having said that I can also sympathize with fans who were barred from entry on Saturday. I can only imagine how frustrating it would have been if I'd made the pilgrimage to Halifax from some remote corner of the Maritimes, rented a hotel, and got down to the convention center around noon after wrangling the kids only find out that my entry was barred. 

Let's face it, selling day passes without a specific date on them wasn't very swift. Having said that, throwing the vendor section open to the public was actually a pretty smart move in theory if not in practice. I have a sneaking suspicion that when hordes of curious shoppers swarmed the first floor they probably thought: "Wow, this is awesome! Let's get a day pass and check out the costume contest!" The result: "Stern-Faced, Lantern-Jawed Fireman" quickly became the most popular costume at HAL-CON that day.

Having said that, I can only accompany people down Frustration Avenue only so far. When apoplectic displays of internet rage in the form of "legal action" or verbal and physical threats get bandied about, then I'm afraid you and I have to part ways. If you think that the organizers of HAL-CON deliberately wanted to over-sell the venue, incur the wrath of the Fire Marshall, piss off a bunch of fans and issue a metric shit-ton of refunds, then your Stormtrooper helmet's on waaaaay too tight.

By the contrary, the HAL-CON gurus have always seemed like a reasonable and well-intentioned bunch of dedicated volunteers. In fact, they've always taken the time to personally address and rectify every single issue I've ever publicly voiced via this blog over the past few years. I'm willing to wager dollars to 'droids that next year a finite amount of day passes will be earmarked for each day of the Con.

We need to view this for what it is: growing pains for an event that continues to expand by leaps and bounds every year. If attendance was dwindling, HAL-CON was on life support and the chances of it coming back next year were looking bleak, then I'd be worried.

PERSONAL FAIL Man, I really wanted to meet Monte Cook but there was JUST...TOO...MUCH...TO...DOOOO!!! Please come back, Monte!!!  PLEASE!!!    

That's How I Roll - Part IV - "Gamers Log, Supplemental"

Greetings, Dice-Chuckers n' Card Floppaz!

Last year I wrote a three-part series about boardgames, summarized conveniently for your perusal below:

Part I - The Early Years       Part II - Revelations and Reminders      Part III - "GAME ON!"

Honestly, I really owe my beloved hobby an update.  Since my last segment posted in July 2010, I've played well over fifty new board games!  Some real gems have come to my attention, an example of a "Strategy Game" I referenced last time out has since blossomed into its own category and I even omitted an entire sub-genre.  BOOOOOO!   I know; I am teh suck.

But I'm here to make amends!  So, without any further ado, here's what's new in the exciting and dynamic realm of board-gamery...

DEXTERITY GAMES

Here's an entire classification that could arguably fall under the heading of "Party Games", but your physical interaction with them makes them distinct.  Basically, Dexterity Games are to Board Games like the Kinect is to X-Box.

I really don't know how I could have possibly neglected this, since one of the first games I ever played was Table Top Rod Hockey.    

Me and my Dad used to have epic matches of this, with Mom acting as official puck-dropper and the family dog as our sole spectator.  Our first dog, a Westie named Frosty, used to force an unconventional stoppage in play ever once and awhile by snatching  the puck off the ice and dashing away with it.

One day after pulling this little stunt of his, we caught up to him but noticed that there was no puck.  The next day, while Dad was cleaning up the back lawn, he asked me if I wanted my puck back.

Hmmmm, maybe that's why I blocked this category out of my mind.

Stiga, a company based in Sweden (where table top hockey isn't just a game, it's a way of life) makes a version that puts the press-board and enstickerfied flat plastic players of yesteryear to shame.  Thanks to Stiga, we're now spoiled with 3-D players, slick surfaces, official NHL teams, no dead spots, puck ejectors and smooth as silk gameplay.

For being a super-fun game that held my interest since childhood, Table Top Rod Hockey easily earns six pips outta six!             

A more recent Dexterity Game discovery for me is Tumblin-Dice.  Let me tell you, folks, no dyed-in-the-wool board gamer can resist the allure of tossin' some bones around, so this entry really takes that predisposition and runs with it!

Players get a set of four colored dice to roll down the board, which is marked with multipliers on the lower tiers.  The goal is to try and have the score of your four dice be higher then your opponent's.  This involves making sure each toss goes far enough to score but doesn't go off the board.

Here's another great example of a game that takes only about two seconds to set up, explain and get into.  Heck, even my parents, who can scarcely tolerate the same stuff I'm into, absolutely love this game.  And, hey, who the hell doesn't mind rollin' dice, Vegas-style, bay-bee!  Even the Rolling Stones do!  

Tumblin-Dice scores a solid five pips outta six!  

 

I gotta highlight one more from this category, if only to compensate for its shameful omission last year.  So here's another great pick:

   

Roadzters is a car-racing game in which players are invited to get their flick on (read that carefully, please!).  Players actually use their fingers to flick the unpredictable ZBall™ around an AFX-style race car track.  If you manage to keep the wonky little thing on the road, you can advance your little race car up to the point where the ball stopped moving.  Whoever crosses the finish line first wins!

This game is more fun then anything deserves to be.  It's also a helluva lot harder then it sounds, with half the track devoid of guard rails and rife with optional over-passes, tunnels and Dukes of Hazzard-style jumps.  Naturally, whenever you land an amazing shot, there's often much rejoicing and high-fiveage.

For pure, unadulterated, child-like whimsy, Roadzters rates a huge five pips outta six!

Here are two more suggestions from this mindlessly fun category:

  

For the record, some of the categories I presented in Part III were criminally broad.  For example, I chucked about a million different game mechanics all under the banner of STRATEGY GAMES.  Now, admittedly this kept things simple, but it also short-sold a lot of innovative distinctions.

For example, the game Dominion, which was first published only three short years ago, has since spawned an entire category known as DECK-BUILDING GAMES.
 
In the same way that role-playing games like Dungeons & Dragons grew out of the war-gaming hobby, Dominion sprang from the collectible card gaming phenomenon, first popularized by Magic: The Gathering.  In Magic, players choose from over thirteen-thousand different types of cards (spells, monsters, conditions) in order to compose their own unique decks, which they then use to try and beat the tar out of similarly-armed opponents.  Deck-building games have actually created an experience centered around the in-game act of customizing a deck of cards!

Although Dominion was the prototype for this sort of game, the theme feels completely tacked on.  You're supposed to be a rich monarch who's attempting to construct your titular holdings, slowly drafting cards into your deck to help generate money and victory points more efficiently.      

Unfortunately, you never have anything laid out in front of you, so you never really feel as if you're building anything save a giant stack of cards.  Instead of displaying some grand new addition to your fiefdom on the table, every turn you just buy or upgrade a higher denomination of coin, pick a card that gives you more resources or snag a few more victory points.  Then you just shuffle these cards back into your deck as if nothing really happened.  Don't get me wrong; it's still an extremely fun and original concept and since your victory point count is always kept secret within your own deck, the final winner can often come as a total surprise.

For coming up with an entirely new game type and inspiring a host of pretenders, Dominion scores a respectable four pips outta five!  

Although Dominion was the innovator, I'm actually more predisposed to the MARK II Deck Building incarnations, notably Thunderstone: 

Although this is essentially the same game as Dominion, as soon as you add the dungeon exploration theme, suddenly I'm no longer distracted by the clunk of the engine under the hood.  Instead I'm left with the illusion of a true game experience.  I guess it's because Thunderstone does away with cards that abstractly improve your turn efficiency in lieu of things you can relate to: such as torches, swords, armor and goons..hired goons.  You then send your heavily-laden champions deep into the bowels of a dungeon to get them to fight creepy monsters and salvage victory points on your behalf.  Now doesn't that sound more fun?

For taking the original concept and making me love it more, Thunderstone rates five pips outta six!     

Also worth mentioning is Quarriors!, which substitutes dice for cards.  Once in play, these dice then fight for you just like the monsters from Magic: the Gathering! 

And there's also Rune Age, the scenario-based, potentially co-operative experience set in Fantasy Flight's fictional world of Terrinoth:  

I also did a bit of a disservice with the equally vague FAMILY GAME category.  Cripes, "FAMILY GAME"...what the hell was I thinking?  Sounds like I was on the verge of recommending that antiquated yawn-fest Monopoly!

Let's face it, "Family Games" don't even really exist.  It's a complete misnomer.  It's like calling something a "Tribal Game" or a "Workplace Game".     

My next recommendation is a perfect example.  Based on my previously-established definition of a "Family Game" ("quick n' easy...appeals to a broad audience...has a bit of theme to give people something to relate to...doesn't attempt to simulate anything") then this thing technically qualifies.  And what says "Family Game" more then taking on the persona of a ruthless Tarantino-esque bank robber, handing out foam handguns and then pointing them at your kid sister in a Mexican standoff bonding moment?  Well, that's exactly what you do in the hilarious Ca$h n' Gun$:

In Ca$h n' Gun$, you play one of several gang members who have just pulled off a daring bank heist.  Naturally a bit of a "debate" breaks out as to how the money should be split (why this wasn't determined  ahead of time escapes me).  Players secretly choose one card out a limited "rock/paper/scissors"-style hand and places it face down on the table.  Then everyone gets a chance to simultaneously point their gun at any one opponent.

Everyone being targeted can either back down (taking a penalty), fast-talk their way out of it or "stick to their guns".  The cards are then revealed to find out who was bluffing and who just got ventilated.  The spoils for that round are then divided amongst those crooks left standing.

Described in such a manner, Ca$h n' Gun$ sounds unconscionably violent, but it's really not!  Gérard Mathieu's whimsical artwork gives you goofy shades of Sergio Aragonés and Mad Magazine.  The tokens representing banknotes, wounds and "shame" are delightfully cheesy.  And last but not least the day-glo orange hand guns pardon you somewhat for holding one to your baby-momma's cranium gangsta-style, yo!

So, as you can see, Ca$h n' Gun$ is really a NEGOTIATION/BLUFFING game.  And for being a particularly clever one, it rates a solid four pips outta five!

Even my classification of  THEMATIC GAMES is a bit of a cock-up.  After all, describing something as "thematic" is like describing a sculpture as "dignified".  It's very nebulous and does nothing to quantify what rules mechanics are being used or what the game's focus is.

Here's an example of what I'm on about:

Yes, DungeonQuest is very "thematic" but it's better classified as a DUNGEON CRAWL.  Why?  Because, like Deck-Building, this is a category all untoward itself.

This particular game was first published back in the mid-Eighties.  At the time I was living in a small town and it was often nigh-impossible to hear about such things, let alone procure them.  Then, when I was around sixteen or so, I tragically concluded that I was "too cool" for board games and missed out on a lot of classic titles.  Mercifully, publishing giant Fantasy Flight acquired to right to this after it went out of print and republished it just last year.  As soon as I saw it on the shelf of my local FLGS ("Friendly Local Game Store", BTW!) I was all over it like David Hasselhoff on a floorburger.  

The Dungeon Crawl sub-genre of thematic adventure games was an attempt by designers to try and replicate a Dungeons & Dragons session without all the time and foundation work required of a Dungeon Master.  So, basically, DungeonQuest is a pre-fab, olde skool, 80's era D&D adventure in a box.  

And when I say olde skool 80's era D&D adventure, I'm also talking about the masochistic difficulty level.  It's kinda like a cardboard version of the video game Dark Souls.  Players chose from one of six archetypal fantasy characters and then send them into the equivalent of a burning house packed with explosives.  During this home invasion there's a constant threat of being attacked by escaped  mental patients as you try and make your way towards the bedroom where you intend to steal ten dollars from the wallet of a lightly-dozing Cain Velasquez.

You make your way through the dungeon by literally picking a direction and revealing a random tile.  That random tile could be an empty room, a bottomless pit filled with spikes, or a Demon's green room.  Your character's stats give you a chance to avoid these things, but I've also seen people killed outright on their very first turn!    

I've been told that the game's survival rate is approximately 14%, and I believe it.  In the three games I've played, I've only witnessed one character crawl out of the dungeon alive.

And that's really a part of the fun.  It's an excuse to sit around and laugh at the misfortune of your opponents.  Although DungeonQuest is so luck-based you could actually have a debate as to whether or not its even a game, the sado-masochistic fourteen year old D&D nerd in me is still totally in love with it.

Five irrational pips outta six!            

Realizing just how many time-strapped, nostalgic former orc-slayers there are out there, Wizards of the Coast produced three board games based on their Fourth Edition of Dungeons & Dragons property.  So far, I've only played these two:



DungeonQuest is to Dark Souls like Castle Ravenloft and Wrath of Ashardalon are to Gauntlet.  Again, players pick a fantasy avatar and set them loose in an underground maze that you construct as you play.  All the while you're constantly being assailed by monsters, traps and other horrible threats that inexorably chip away at your mortality.

Although the components are gorgeous, the pre-programed monster A.I. is inspired and you can fly through a scenario in about an hour, these game desperately need more chrome.  It was as if Wizards didn't want to risk alienating the average knuckle-dragger and refused to make it even vaguely complicated.  Every turn is the same thing: you try and kill something, you move to an unexplored edge of the map, you put down a new tile and then you typically get auto-ganked by some new monster and/or threat.  It boils the once-rich experience of role-playing down to a bunch of stats on a card and constant random rolls.  There's really isn't any exploration or adventure to speak of.

For being a pallid, anemic version of my childhood memories, Castle Ravenloft and Wrath of Ashardalon rate a mere three pips out of six...

Descent has a lot more of the depth missing from the two previous entries.

Although it boasts a lot more character customization and advancement, but I'm just not a very big fan of Fantasy Flight's "Terrinoth" setting.  This is probably due to the fact that, in their quest to create "cool" characters, even their supposed heroes look like Sauron's cabana-boy:

The game also suffers from having to saddle one of the players as the evil Overlord (although this role is actually relished by one particularly sadistic member of our gaming group) and it can sometime take five or six hours to play through a complete scenario.  But it least it's not like Ravenloft or Ashardalon: the Dungeon Crawl equivalent of a Kardashian, I.E. pretty but hopelessly vapid.    

Five pips outta six!

Alright, I got just one more left before I take off.  This is another one I would have lumped into the amorphous catch-all description of Thematic Games, but in reality it's SPACE EXPLORATION/ADVENTURE.   Which is exactly what you'd expect from a game called Star Trek: Fleet Captains.

Now, I used to prefer Star Wars to Star Trek, but that way back before George Lucas irreparably f#@$ed-up his galaxy far, far away.  But even back when I was watching the Original Series with Kirk, Spock and Bones and the movies that followed, I was always intrigued by Gene Roddenberry's vision for space exploration.

I really dug the concept of different classes of ships, each one customized with refits and staffed by unique crew-members all with special talents.  I loved when these vessels moved into the unknown to encounter alien planets, binary suns, wormholes and nebulae.  I jazzed (?) over all the competing alien races who were vying for influence across the galaxy.  And I was thrilled by all the scary, weird and unexpected challenges that came part and parcel along with venturing out towards the limits of space.

I'd explain what it's like to play a game of Star Trek: Fleet Captains, but frankly, I've already described it by talking about the premise.  I was so interested in playing a game like this that I was willing to invent it.  Mercifully, the good folks at WizKids have come along and spared me a tremendous amount of work.

In Star Trek: Fleet Captains, one player takes the role of the noble, goody-two-shoes Federation and the second player assumes the role of the sneaky, battle-hungry Klingons.  At the start of the game, they conscript a small fleet of ships and set forth to explore a randomly-generated concealed area of space.  All the while they have to contend with random events (and each other) as they attempt to complete missions for Victory Points. Typically the player who gets to ten Veeps first is the winner.

Although confusion and debate can occasionally arise from creative card plays and some of the components are totally clown-shoes (like the paper coaster location tiles), the game succeeds admirably in bringing the Star Trek universe to light.  The awesome miniatures included in the game all represent "famous" ships of the line, so you could conceivably get Sisko's U.S.S. Defiant from Deep Space Nine tangling with the I.K.S. Gr'oth.  
    
Although the Star Trek theme is pretty much incidental for me, the game itself tells a compelling narrative, evokes memories from the show and scratches my itch for a space exploration game.  It easily deserves five pips outta six!

 



On the next episode of "That's How I Roll!":

• Games that give you a God complex as you put your minions to work.
• The dice keep a-rollin'! 
• The grade-school card game War gets a makeover.
• Y'Arrrrr: The Boardgame
• Finally!  A socially acceptable excuse to randomly scream "RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!!"
• Finally!  A socially acceptable excuse to randomly scream "DIE, YOU STINKIN' TOASTER!!!"

EPIC:  So impressed was I with Star Trek Fleet Captains, that I composed the following video love letter to the game:

FAIL: Hey, let's face it folks, they can't all be diamonds.  Here's my review of Camelot:

"Tonight we tried playing the truly execrable 'Camelot'.  Thank God Andrew didn’t spend much money on this piece of poo.  The 'Lightning System'™ might be good for people with attention deficit disorder who want the board game equivalent of  paint-brushing each other while sitting around table, but for a old school war gamer like myself who’s a bit  of a rules lawyer, this can't even be considered a real game. 

How the f#@% do you keep your opponents honest when everyone is simultaneously moving s#!^ around and  attacking stuff?  This is complete and total anarchy, and this is coming from someone who likes 'RoboRally', so it’s not that I don’t dig chaos in a board game.

It was so bad we didn’t even continue past the first few 'turns'.   

Seriously, this game is a total joke.  If Andrew forces me to play it again I’m totally gonna punch him in the dick-hole."