Emblogification Capture Device: education

Showing posts with label education. Show all posts

Sunday, April 29, 2012

I Wish...

...that I was motivated by money.
...that I didn't possess a shred of creativity.
...that I liked making co-workers look bad so that I could look good.
...that I was devoid of imagination.
...that I was terrified of what people thought of me.
...that I wanted an iPhone.
...that I could work for an unethical company without losing sleep.
...that I could be content watching network television all the time.
...that I'd never travelled anywhere.
...that I only ever watched mainstream news.
...that I didn't like to read.
...that I liked processed food.
...that I enjoyed f#@king people over for a percentage.
...that I had absolute, unwavering faith in my own beliefs, regardless of conflicting evidence.
...that I could spawn a litter of kids without thinking about it.
...that I liked Nicki Minaj, Rascal Flatts and Bruno Mars.
...that I was 100% right about everything all the time and everyone else was wrong.
...that I defined success by how much stuff I owned.
...that I didn't follow politics.
...that I was a fan of movies that all have the same ending.
...that I liked to text.
...that I had fashion sense and liked spending money on clothes.
...that I cared about Kardashians, Bachelors, Divas, Dancing, Home Renovation and Orange-Colored Idiots.
...that I was convinced that things can never change or get any better.
...that I was obsessed with sports to the detriment of everything else.
...that I could be happy while being house poor.
...that I could drive an SUV in good conscience.
...that I thought there was no-one else on the planet except myself.
...that I didn't think about where shit goes after I throw it out.
...that I had an interest in personal finance.
...that I could blissfully fritter away large chunks of my life making money for people who don't know that I exist.
...that I felt obligated to force my faith and morality on other people.
...that I could feel a sense of righteous indignation whenever someone less fortunate then me gets some much-needed help.

I wish for all of these things because I think it would make life a lot simpler.

EPIC: Be warned, if you click on this you run the risk of complicating yourself.

EPIC SHIRT:

EPIC DAD Mike's back and he's droppin' science, yo.

FAIL: Terrific, we now live in a era in which politicians equate mind-expansion with snobbery. I wonder why?

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

"When I was no longer a child..."

Little wonder some of us are so f#@&*$ up.

Do you remember back in Grade Six when you wrote a story/painted a picture/made an epic film? Okay, maybe only Lucas and Spielberg can relate to this last thing, but you get what I mean.

Do you remember doing something, anything, creative as a kid and then were made to get up in front of your class to present your magnum opus and everyone thought your story/painting/epic film was all that and a bag o' "Doritos"?

Then the teacher suggested that your story/painting/epic film be entered into some sort of contest and soon you and your fellow entrants were witness to your "brainchild of a child" appearing on display at a mall or on page eighty-four of the local paper? Do you remember getting some sort of prize like a ribbon or a flimsy piece of newsprint with a big-ass silver dollar stuck to it?

Well, I remember even if you don't, though you'd certainly be forgiven. Admittedly we are going back a bit. In fact the only thing I have to convince myself that this ever happened to me is a tarnished, out-of-circulation coin stuck to a crude drawing of a giant sperm whale fighting an octopi.

The picture was entitled "Fight To The Death" if I recall.

So, what am I on about here? Just this: although I barely remember this from childhood I certainly don't recall getting very much encouragement for doing creative stuff past Senior Elementary. Wanna know why?

It's because when High School rolled around all of your teachers, guidance councilors and (perish forbid) parents told you to put away the childish bullshit and start concentrating on your hard sciences and advanced math. I can't say that I blame them; they were only thinking of a practical future for you. But what if you wanted to roll the creative dice? What if you didn't give a crap about going into Business Administration or becoming a Dental Hygienist?

Here's what what a lot of you may remember: University reps coming to your school, being herded into the theatre/auditorium and then being subjected to endless hours of...

"Come to our school to start pre-Law."

"Apply to our institution to learn about exciting careers in Organic Chemistry."

"Send your transcripts and life savings to us and we'll give you all the skills required to run an 'Arby's' restaurant."

But not once did I recall hearing:

"You wanna make movies for a living? Talk to us."

"Do you have a novel locked up in that bright, l'il noggin? Right this way, sir or madam!"

"Have a hankerin' for acrylics and comic books? Step inside!"

So what happens if shy, mentorless kids don't have attractive career options presented to them in realistic but encouraging fashion? Paralysis. Drift. Resignation. Abandonment.

And what becomes of the child-like creative impulse I believe resides in each and every one of us? For most people it just disappears like someone airbrushed out of a politburo staff photo. People erase these fulfilling, universal pursuits we all collectively engaged in as children right out of their minds. They don't even bring it up. It's strangely Orwellian.

Why clutter up the drive to towards Fitness Trainer, Network Systems Analyst or Database Administrator with pie in the sky options? It's not worth it. We're just setting our kids up to fail.

But some of us would liked to have had the option to fail.

On a peppier note, I actually drew something yesterday. Besides being completely horrified by how my already feeble artistic skills had atrophied, I present the dubious results for your consideration: