I've written before about the idiotic archetypes that often populate outdoor music festivals but after witnessing the U2 concert in Moncton just over a week ago, I feel compelled to give a specific example. So, without further ado here's:
Dave's Top Ten Signs That You Don't Belong At A U2 Concert:
- The highlight of the show was playing with the inflatable beach balls.
- You have to ask "Who's Larry Mullins (sic) Jr.?" when you spot a sign bearing the name of the drummer who started the band thirty-five f#@$%^& years ago!
- If the mental catnip provided by the beach balls is trumped only by two fighter planes flying overhead then you may have taken a wrong turn en route to the airshow. First test to determine if you're in the wrong place: ask yourself if you've heard "Rock You Like A Hurricane" by the Scorpions yet.
- You stand as quiet as a church mouse while the bands are on stage but freak out like Steve and/or Doug Butabi whenever one of your baked-to-the-point-of-zombification cronies heaves into view.
- For some godforsaken reason you're chronically obsessed with taking off and putting on your "kicks". My vote: keep those funky-smelling canoes sealed in their leather coffins.
- Your concert attire of choice: a flat-brimmed Moncton Purple Knights (?) ball cap, baggy pants, a blood-stained wife-beater and facial hair so spotty and nasty-looking you look like an understudy to the cast of The Hills Have Eyes.
- You have no qualms about getting back to your place by plowing though people like a bull moose with an erection.
- Your girlfriend looks as if she would take a cyanide capsule without pause if it were offered to her.
- You're willing to risk life and limb to smoke up even while standing in the cross-hairs of a security guard who looks as if his only other gig was killing hippies during a Rolling Stones gig.
- Gang signs are your default method of greeting.
FAIL: This amazing doc captures the ultimate concert security FAIL.