Greetings, Pugnacious Political Pundits!
Have you ever felt like the guy that designed the Titanic? When that fateful iceberg scraped the starboard side of the great vessel the dude that built the thing knew right away that all of the compartments were compromised. Instantly he just knew the ship was gonna sink. When he went about breaking this news to folks, they reacted in different ways. A small segment of people were paralyzed like well-attired deer in headlights. Another tiny group immediately panicked. But the lion's share of those passengers wrote the warning off as the ravings of an alarmist asshole and then went right back to smoking cigars and sipping brandy.
Well, politically here in Canada, I fear that there's a big ole' iceberg "roit ahead" and only a few people can see it let alone grasp its ramifications (pun intended). But I'm convinced that if we hit this frosty behemoth we're all gonna go down faster then a groupie at a Buckcherry concert.
Of course I'm referring to the May 2'nd election. Now, if challenged, I would normally confess that this farce we're all going to engage in will likely have all the societal impact of an episode of Blue's Clues but this time out I really do believe that electing the lesser of several evils is particularly clutch.
Now, before I go any further, a few disclaimers are in order. First, this isn't a blatantly partisan political diatribe. I'm very inclined towards independent research. I've checked out everything I'm about to present and, frankly, I don't want people to arbitrarily believe these claims without doing some of their own digging. In fact I'm begging you to prove me wrong!
Also please know that I've voted for every political party under the sun and I'm definitely not slavishly devoted to any of them. The American concept of a "registered voter" is repugnant to me. In fact, if didn't think it was as unlikely as Carlos Mencia writing an original joke, I'd spend this entire blog post trying to convince people that we should all vote for independent candidates. But, hey, I'm a realist.
In fact, as soon as I had the legal capacity to vote, the first ballot I ever cast was for Brian Mulrooney's Progressive Conservatives. Why? Because prior to that I'd been brainwashed by all my teachers that FREE TRADE IS GOOD. Plus I was also kind of a stupid, know-everything, conservative d-bag back then who was iffy on gay rights, supported the notion of capitol punishment and humored the completely ludicrous concept that the state can control what women can do with their own bodies. But then I went to university, read stuff and became passably intelligent.
I'm hoping that confession is a truism for everyone. When confronted with new information, will it give you pause for thought and re-consideration? Or will you vote the same old way you always have just because yer daddy, grand-daddy and grand-pappy were always "true blue"?
So, yes, there you go, in the past I've voted for an asshat like Brian Mulrooney. I wish I could take it back, but I can't. See what happens when you're young, stupid and uninformed? Hell, in retrospect, I think I was better advised when I cast a protest vote for the Yogic Flier Party in 1993 (Google it, kiddies!).
Because we seem to have absolutely no muck-raking, Lois Lane style old skool nosy independent journalists left in North America anymore (not to mention a head of state that refuses to answer more than four questions per photo op), we've entered into a very dark time in politics. Never in my worst nightmares did I ever expect to see political chicanery this cheap north of the 49'th parallel.
Look at what we've stooped to: tasteless attack ads, partisan divides, finger-pointing, white washing of real issues, fear, censorship, doublespeak, and outright lies have all infiltrated our political process. Now, I'm not saying Canadian politics has always smelled daisy-fresh, but in my lifetime I've seen these extreme and decidedly American tendencies continue to infiltrate our landscape.
Any why? I believe it's mainly because one slick, subtle and unquestionably devious politician is positively terrified that if we get so much as a lingering glance into his closet we'll find more bones then what's currently housed in the Catacombs of Paris.
If the mainstream media hadn't been systematically gutted and defanged (particularly over the past ten years or so), I'm confident that we'd be more informed about such things. So, since we can't rely on the real watchdogs to wake up and start barking, I feel I must do my duty, however penny ante, to drag the carcasses out of the closets and rub our collective noses in a dose of reality.
Seriously, would you actually vote for a guy who...
(1) Actually said something so patently offensive regarding the supposed "sanctity of marriage"?
(3) Keeps insisting that he'll preserve a woman's right to choose, but his actions speak louder then words?
(4) Harbors some pretty wingnutty, George Bush-esque religious beliefs?
(5) Flip-flops and then then doesn't share his real, duplicitous reasons for keeping Canadian soldiers in Afghanistan?
Not to mention the shameful stuff he does to veterans?
(6) Displays utter contempt for Parliament?
Not to mention contempt for the people he supposedly represents?
Or just tries to shut it down when tough questions start to fly (such as what happens to Afghan detainees?)
(7) Has such woefully inadequate environmental practices?
Or offers huge subsidies for big oil to inefficiently strip-mine parts of Alberta?
(8) Is okay with such batshit insane spending that you can't help to think about ulterior motives?
Wants to build more American-style mega-prisons even all they seem to do is make criminals more hardened?
(9) Is able to sleep at night by convincing himself that big corporations will share it's generous tax breaks with it's workers? A guy who seems to believe that trickle-down economics actually works?
(10) A guy who would employ a clown like John "Cujo" Baird:
(11) Or the seemingly oblivious Bev Ota?
(12) A guy who's done the single scariest thing any Canadian Prime Minister has ever done: arrest and illegally detain a thousand peaceful protesters during the G20 summit?
(13) Who doles out taxpayer money to preferential ridings only to surreptitiously write it off as G8 "improvements":
(14) Who keeps referring to his administration as THE HARPER GOVERNMENT. Actually, no, it's still the Canadian government, you tin-plated ego-maniacal f#@$-knuckle.
One of Rick Mercer's trademark rants perfectly encapsulated this one for me:
A man who doesn't mind stocking the lobby of the House of Commons with grandiose and gratuitous self-portraiture:
Or usurps honors normally reserved for the Queen and the Governor General?
(15) Knows that the first step to a dictatorship is to muzzle the media?
(16) Adopts joltingly tasteless American-style attack ads? Here's the Conservative's already in-born ironic attack ad they used against Paul Martin in 2006:
And here's the same ad humorously re-tooled and feeling just as relevant:
(17) Bars people from events and rallies just because they were in a photo with a political rival?
(18) Who was proud to say: "Ordinary folks don't care about the arts." Spoken by a clearly unimaginative, culturally bankrupt yahoo who's only idea of "the arts" is criminally mangling Beatles songs in public.
(19) Who has little regard for some of his fellow Canadians? Does anyone remember this Harper?
"There's unfortunately a view of too many people in Atlantic Canada that it's only through government favours that there's going to be economic progress." (Stephen Harper, Toronto Sun, May 31, 2002)
Like that? Here are a few more dillies: http://www.lilith-ezine.com/articles/canada/Stephen-Harper.html
(20) Who takes creative license with election spending? http://www2.macleans.ca/2011/03/01/federal-court-sides-with-elections-canada-in-dispute-with-conservatives/
Seriously? It only took one hyped up Liberal scandal to serve as Stephen Harper's Reichstag fire. He used that to fuse his unpalatable Reform Party together with what was left of Mulrooney's devastated Conservatives to claw his way into power. What will it take to sour the nation on these jackanapes?
Yes, I've voted PC before, but Harper's Conservatives aren't PC! They're Alliance/Reform, which is the closest Canada has ever had to a friggin' fascist party! Anybody remember those clowns? Anyone remember how out-to-lunch Preston Manning and Stockwell Day seemed at the time? Well, I hate to break it to ya, folks, but Harper has managed to hold onto his job not because he's that different from those two idiots, but because he's better at concealing his true, reptillian nature!
Is there anyone left in the United States left who would be willing to claim that George W. Bush did a bang-up job? No? Well, honestly, if you scratch away at that "methinks thou dost protest too much" Canadian pin Harper is always wearing, you begin to realize that he's the closest we've ever come to installing a Neo-Con in office. The fact that this country is poised to hand this freak a majority (despite most of the country voting against him) just terrifies the bejesus out of me.
Look, folks, I didn't want to do this entry and tell you who to vote for, I just wanted to give you some real food for thought as to why you shouldn't vote for THAT GUY. I have no vested interest in whether he wins or looses. But I know that most people are very, very busy with such things as day to day survival: trudging through fifty hour work weeks, trying to balance kids, bills and responsibilities. I know that a lot of you have grown very jaded and apathetic about politics because you never see any positive change regardless of what organ donor is in office.
But I've been very vigilant. I've been doing my research. I've been keeping a close eye on this motley crew in power right now.
And frankly I think Rick Mercer summed it up best when he said "I have a hard time trusting a man who has the eyes of an alaskan malamute."
Just think about it...
EPIC I'm tellin' ya, this guy is evil, Palpatine-style evil!
EPIC LIST OF FAIL:
EPIC SITE Which partially inspired this entry...
PHOTOGRAPHIC PHAILS: "The horror, the horror..."