Emblogification Capture Device: I Wish...

Sunday, April 29, 2012

I Wish...

...that I was motivated by money.
...that I didn't possess a shred of creativity.
...that I liked making co-workers look bad so that I could look good.
...that I was devoid of imagination.
...that I was terrified of what people thought of me.
...that I wanted an iPhone.
...that I could work for an unethical company without losing sleep.
...that I could be content watching network television all the time.
...that I'd never travelled anywhere.
...that I only ever watched mainstream news.
...that I didn't like to read.
...that I liked processed food.
...that I enjoyed f#@king people over for a percentage.
...that I had absolute, unwavering faith in my own beliefs, regardless of conflicting evidence.
...that I could spawn a litter of kids without thinking about it.
...that I liked Nicki Minaj, Rascal Flatts and Bruno Mars.
...that I was 100% right about everything all the time and everyone else was wrong.
...that I defined success by how much stuff I owned.
...that I didn't follow politics.
...that I was a fan of movies that all have the same ending.
...that I liked to text.
...that I had fashion sense and liked spending money on clothes.
...that I cared about Kardashians, Bachelors, Divas, Dancing, Home Renovation and Orange-Colored Idiots.
...that I was convinced that things can never change or get any better.
...that I was obsessed with sports to the detriment of everything else.
...that I could be happy while being house poor.
...that I could drive an SUV in good conscience.
...that I thought there was no-one else on the planet except myself.
...that I didn't think about where shit goes after I throw it out.
...that I had an interest in personal finance.
...that I could blissfully fritter away large chunks of my life making money for people who don't know that I exist.
...that I felt obligated to force my faith and morality on other people.
...that I could feel a sense of righteous indignation whenever someone less fortunate then me gets some much-needed help.

I wish for all of these things because I think it would make life a lot simpler.

EPIC: Be warned, if you click on this you run the risk of complicating yourself.

EPIC SHIRT:

EPIC DAD Mike's back and he's droppin' science, yo.

FAIL: Terrific, we now live in a era in which politicians equate mind-expansion with snobbery. I wonder why?