Take a look at the photo of the five living U.S. Presidents above, snapped yesterday during the dedication of the George W. Bush library. What's the first thing that pops into your head?
"Only these few men know what it's like to have the weight of the world on their shoulders and, as such, the camaraderie displayed in this photo is inherent for such a unique and rarefied brotherhood."
"Has someone been moving the wax dummies around in the museum again?"
"Man, these guys are w-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-y too friggin' chummy with one another!"
Honestly, if I was Obama, vainly trying to extricate the country from the quagmire of poop it had been mired in by my predecessor, I would never attend an event designed to honor George W. Bush, much less pose in a photo with him. In fact, if I was Obama, I would have sent the cops 'round to pick him up and then sent an A.P.B. out on Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld for good measure.
But no, instead we've got these five bros, acting as if the world isn't going to hell in a handbasket and blissfully hangin' out with a dude who presided over the systemic dismantling of western society. It's like going to a party and ignoring a massive turd bobbin' around in the punchbowl.
Suddenly I'm reminded of that early-90's episode of The Simpsons when they referred to Jimmy Carter as "history's greatest monster."
Given Carter's single impotent term in which he failed to rally congress, free the American hostages, keep gas prices down and jump-start the economy, you can see why the Simpsons scribes made this hyperbolicious reference. To bad they didn't know what was in store for us in another ten years. In light of what Bush did, Carter looks like a friggin' paragon in comparison.
Hell, just compare the way both retired Presidents now spend their free time. Carter's worked ceaselessly for Habitat for Humanity and has personally overseen the virtual eradication of the incredibly harmful guinea worm. And what's Bush been doing all his time? A spate of bath-time self-portraits, evidently.
As I see it, there's only one way these supposedly polar-opposite, cyclical spoilers could possibly share the same space together without immediately getting into a Pier 6 donnybrook.
They're really all the same.
That's right. If you think that there's a whit of difference between contemporary Democrats and Republicans, then scooch a little closer and I'll straighten that sucker sign on your back.
Obama's a perfect example. Just like every single sitting U.S. President since Lyndon B. Johnson, he and his party are nothing but shills for corporate interests and the military-industrial complex. The only difference between Bush and Obama is that Obama is prettier, can string an sentence together and his powers of obfuscation are vastly superior.
Don't believe me? Then just have a quick peek at his woefully-poor track record, most of which could very easily be mistaken for a Republican mandate:
- He was slow to remove troops from Iraq and actually intensified the war in Afghanistan.
- He extended the National Defense Authorization Act and kept Gitmo open for bid'ness.
- Drones! Drones! Drones!
- He's proffered no market reform whatsoever in the wake of the clearly-engineered 2008 market crash.
- He's enacted legislation that actually protects comedically evil corporations like Monsanto.
- He's secretly authorized the interception of ISP communiques, which is kind of illegal under current federal wiretapping laws.
Hey, Americans, do you really want to change your country? Then stop voting for friggin' Democrats and Republicans!
EPIC USE OF PHOTOSHOP: God, why can't something this awesome be real?
FAIL-URE OF CHOICE: “Saddam posed too big a risk to ignore...the world was made safer by his removal.”